you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
