Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
