Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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