dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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