woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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