Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
