the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
