There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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