i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
