Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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