Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
