My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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