I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
