white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
