Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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