Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
