**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
