just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
