It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
