I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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