I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Who died my cat blue again?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
