I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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