He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
