Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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