how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
