Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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