You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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