im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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