guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
