how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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