6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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