WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
