i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
