I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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