Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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