i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
