I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
