I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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