i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
