You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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