I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
