i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
