Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
