Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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