Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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