And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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