Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
