I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just threw up on my dentist
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
