well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
