Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
