Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
