I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
